A Musical In A Musical
by hannah montana luva
Summary: The East High gang is excited for the spring musical, which is HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL! Parody!
1. Chapter 1

**Ms. Darbus's room** (everyone sitting in a circle with their desks)

Gabriella: OMG did you hear? Auditions for the spring musical are next week! LYK YESH!

Chad: Stop talking in IM! Stupid theater people.

Ryan: Nothing is stupid in the theatre.

Chad: Don't you mean theater?

Ryan: Thesbians say theatre.

Jason: HAHAHA! You said lesbian!

Ryan: I didn't---never mind.

Gabriella: I heard they're doing Hairspray!

Troy: I want to do Ugly Betty: The Musical!

Sharpay: True dat.

Troy: I didn't know Sharpay was gansta!

Sharpay: I'm not. I just like saying true dat.

Troy: Do the Soulja Boy dance!

Sharpay: No! That song kills brain cells!

Ms. Darbus: Everybody, gather round!

Zeke: I love to bake!

Ms. Darbus: WTF ZEKE?

Chad: What's with the IM?

Zeke: In Status Quo, after some student says "eveybody gather round" i say "i love to bake!"

Ms. Darbus: Okay then...But I am annoucing the spring music-hal, it is HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL!!!!!

Troy: I so want to be Troy!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelsi: You are Troy.

Troy: I want to be Troy Bolton though!

Everyone: YOU ARE TROY BOLTON.

Gabriella: Lyk To2LeE!

Sharpay: Be quiet noob!

Gabriella: El Oh El! U R SO fUNee!

Troy: Ever since she got that iPhone with her tuition money, she has learned every single IM word for texting. (nods head with shame)

Gabriella: Lyk EyE n0!

Taylor: SHUT UP GABRIELLA! YOU SOUND STUPIDER EVERY TIME YOU TALK LIKE THAT!

Jason: Shweet! All caps!

Sharpay: Troysie, will you be my audition buddy?

Troy: Fersher!!!!!!

Gabriella: EyE lYk wANt 2 B TrOy'S ParrTNEr!

Troy: I have a restraining order against you. By the way, you need to back up 12 feet...

Gabriella: LMAO!!!!!!!!! BuT HoO wELl B My pArtNer???

Chad: I can't take it anymore! (takes Gabriella's iPhone and stomps on it, then throws it out the window.)

Taylor: I'll be Ryan's partner!

Ryan: Okay...sure...let's go with that.

Gabriella: EyE dOnT haVe a PArtNer!

Chad: I'll be your partner if you stop doing that!

Gabriella: (clears throat) KK! I mean...(ponders). Okay.

Chad: It's...a start.

Sharpay: I so want to be Gabriella! I mean I'm like her twin!

Gabriella: I'm kinda nervous, remember last time I was on stage?

Troy: No...

Gabriella: I froze up! But then you kissed me on the cheek...

Troy: Wait for our REAL kiss in the second movie.

Gabriella: What second movie?

Troy: HSM 2!?!?!? GAH!!!!

Sharpay: You kiss Gabriella in HSM 2? What about Troypay?

Troy: The viewers demand Troyella, like Zanessa.

Ryan: Ryella is SO the new Troyella.

Sharpay: What Evs. (bells rings)

Jason: Come on, lesbians and noobs, class has ended!

**Basketball Practice**

Troy: Daddy! Guess what? I'm doing the spring musical!

Coach Bolton: Don't call me daddy! That's what people that are 4 call there dad's.

Troy: But DADDY!

Coach Bolton: (Ugh.)

Troy: Idk my bff rose?

Chad: I HATE IM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHH!

Troy: Why do you hate IM so much?

Chad: Idk. Omg. I'm turning into one of them!!!! (screams and runs out of the gym)

Zeke: Maybe my cupcakes will cheer him up! (follows Chad)

Chad: (his voice echoing in the hallway) NO AMOUNT OF ICING WILL MAKE ME HAPPY!-wait, mmmmm. These cupcakes are off the chain!

Kelsi: Nick J is off the chain!

Troy: Kelsi?

Kelsi: Sorry. I just love Nick Jonas.

Troy: Okay then. (someones phone starting playing their S.O.S. ringtone in the hallway of the gym)

Kelsi: NICK!!!!!!!!!!!! (runs out of the gym)

Troy: Sorry, Daddy. I got distracted. We're doing HSM!

Coach Bolton: ACH ES EM?

Troy: YES! I so want to be Troy!

Coach Bolton: I want to try out! I would be perfect for the part of Jason!

Martha: I want to be Neville!

Troy: Martha! Hello! When did you get here?

Martha: I've always been here, I'm on the basketball team.

Troy: You were?

Martha: No.

Coach Bolton: I thought we were doing ACH ES EM, not Harry Potter!

Jason: (randomly comes up to them) NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM!!!!!!!

Coach Bolton: Isn't Neville a guy's part?

Martha: Maybe...(runs out of the gym)

Gabriella: TROY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (runs to him)

Sharpay: (running after her) Gabriella! No! Don't do it! It's not worth it!

Gabriella: My Troy Toy! (starts trying to jump on his back)

Troy: Get away from me stalker! (starts sprinting)

Grabriella: NO! NEVER!!!!!!!!!

Troy: Shar, get her away me!

Sharpay: I'm trying! (trips over her stilleto heels and falls hard) OWWWWWW! MY PANCREAS!

Gabriella: I love you like Hermione loves Ron Weasley!

Jason: Ron...Ron...Ron WEASLEY! (starts jumping up and down, jumps out of a window)

Jason: I'm okay! Ron...Ron...Ron Weasley! Dumbledore!

Coach Bolton: Youtube has ruined the lives of today's children. (he starts to realizes he's the only one left in the gym) I guess practice is over...now i finally have time so i can practice my auditon piece for ACH ES EM!!!!!

**A/n: I know this chapter sucks, so please don't be that critical! But please give me some advice and tips!**


	2. Chapter 2

Auditions in the Auditorium

Sharpay: Troy!!!! Ready for our auditions?

Troy: Auditions are today? Are you cereal?

Jason: Fruit Loops!

Troy: Omigosh I love Fruit Loops! I even had some for breakfast! I especially like the green ones!

Sharpay: Troy! Listen to me! Yes I'm cereal. They're right now!

Jason: Special K!

Sharpay: Ew, who likes Special K?

Ms. Darbus: Troy! Sharpay! Time for your auditions!

Sharpay: RYAN! TRACK 7!

Ryan: You got it sis! (Tries to get the CD in the stereo, but is trying to get it off his finger, then 4 minutes later his finger pops off)

Ryan: My finger! My beautiful middle finger! How will I be able to flip people off now!?

Sharpay: Just use the other hand! And put the damn CD in already!

Ryan: (gets the CD off of his detached finger, and gets it in the stereo, and sets it to track 7, and the accompaniment starts playing)

Troy: Doot doot doot doot doot Dora!

Sharpay: Doot doot doot doot doot Dora!

Both: Dora Dora Dora the Explorer!

Troy: Explorer!

Sharpay: Boots and super cool explorer Dora!

Troy: We need your help!

Sharpay: Grab your backpack!

Troy: Let's go!

Sharpay: Jump in!  
Troy: Vamanos!

Both: You can lead the way-ay! Hey Hey!

Troy: Doot doot—

Ms. Darbus: STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Troy: Dora!

Ms. Darbus: I SAID STOPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chad: Hey, we were going to do that song!

Gabriella: Dora the Explorer is SO an illegal immigrant.

Ryan: So is Boots.

Kelsi: And Diego.

Taylor: Chad! It's our turn now!

Chad: No, we are not doing a Keke Palmer song.

Ryan: I thought you were my partner!

Taylor: Me and Gabi switched. I mean, can you resist his hair? (Pets Chad's hair)

Ryan: It is pretty afrotastic.

Ms. Darbus: Taylor! Chad! Go!

Chad: Troy! Track 9!

Troy: I don't know how to do it! DADDY! I NEED HELP!

Coach Bolton: (Yelling from the hallway) I'm practicing my lines son! Figure it out yourself!

Troy: Daddy! No! (pouts and walks off)

Kelsi: I'll be happy to be your pianist!

Taylor: No, we don't need a botnist.

Gabriella: I love plants!

Zeke: Do you want some of my all-natural apple strudel?

Gabriella: No, I need to watch my figure for the nude pictures I'm taking today.

Martha: I want the apple strudel! (grabs it out of Zeke's hand and chews it with her mouth open)

Chad: Will somebody turn on the fricking music?

Martha: (still chewing) Yuh Huh! (Turns on the stero, and the music starts playing)

Chad: Everybody makes mistakes.

Taylor: Everybody has those days.

Both: 1, 2, 3, 4!

Chad: Everybody makes mistakes!

Taylor: Everybody has those days!

Chad: Everybody knows what, I'm talking 'bout!

Taylor: Everybody gets that way!

Both: Uh huh!

Chad: Everybody makes mistakes!

Taylor Everybody had those days!

Chad: Everybody knows what, I'm talking 'bout!

Taylor: Everybody gets that way!

Chad: Sometimes I'm in a jam!

Taylor: I got to make a plan!

Chad: It might be crazy!

Taylor: I'll do it anyway!

Chad: No way to know for sure.

Taylor: I'll figure out a cure!

Chad: I'm patching up the holes!

Taylor: But then it overflows!

Both: If I'm not doing to well! (Claps) Why be so hard on myself! Nobody's perfect! I got to work it! Again and again 'til I get it right! Nobody's perfect! You—

Ms. Darbus: Enough!!!!! Gabriella! Ryan! You're up!

Gabriella: Sharpay, track 3.

Sharpay: Whatever. (Sets it to track 3, and accompaniment starts)

Ryan: It's Ryan bitch.

Gabriella: Gimme gimme!

Ryan: More!

Gabriella: Gimme!

Ryan: More!

Gabriella: Gimme gimme!

Ryan: More!

Gabriella: Gimme gimme!

Ryan: More!

Gabriella: Gimme!

Ryan: More!

Gabriella: Gimme gimme—

Ms. Darbus: Quit it! This was worse than the Dora the Explorer! (Plugs ears and runs out of the auditorium) AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chad: Someone needs therapy…. (Coach Bolton enters the auditorium)

Coach Bolton: I'm here for my auditions!

Troy: Sorry Daddy, Ms. Darbus went coo coo for Cocoa Puffs.

Coach Bolton: Eh, I'm not a cereal person; I'm more of a muffin person.

Sharpay: Speaking of muffins, does anybody want one? (Pulls six muffins out of her bra) I have blueberry, chocolate, and banana nut.

Jason: BANANA! Star Wars muffin! Imaginary muffin! Esfestus muffin, I'm making muffins as fast as I can! Blood!

Ryan: I'm not eating those! They have touched your boobs!

Sharpay: So…

Troy: Ooh! Muffins! (Eats all six of them)

Martha: No thanks, I can only in Jenny muffins…..

Taylor: You're on Jenny Craig?

Martha! Kirsty Alley said it worked! (Runs out crying)

Chad: Make that 2 people who need therapy….

A/n: I hoped you all loved chapter 2! I'm so happy you all loved chapter 1! The reviews made me so happy! If you liked this parody and you are a HUGE loliver fan, then read Alissyn and Silly Lilly's **Loliver: The Musical!** (It's on Silly Lilly's account)


	3. Chapter 3

The Results in the Auditorium 2 Weeks Later

Troy: I'm so excited to see what part I got!

Gabriella: Zomg I know!

Troy: By the way, how did those nude pics turn out?

Gabriella: They turned out awesome! They are going to be made into Hallmark Christmas cards! Here, you can have an early copy... (winks and gives a nude pic to Troy)

Troy: Sure...(crumples it up and throws it on the ground)

Ryan: (picks up the picture) Ew, litter. I hate kids that litter!(opens up the crinkled nude picture, and questionably looks at it) Someone's had some work done...

Troy: WE GOT TO WORK! WORK! WORK THIS OUT...!

Ryan: That was random...(puts the picture in his man purse, then Chad notices the man purse)

Chad: Dude, you have a man purse?

Ryan: It's Dolce and Gabbana. I got it for Passover.

Ms. Darbus: Everyone! Sit Down! I have the results! Sorry this took so long, but I just got out of rehab yesterday. On the bright side, I now have two new bffls now! They're names are Lindsay and Britney!

Chad: They try to make me go to rehab, but I say "No, no, no."

Gabriella: Ooh! I love Amy Vodkahouse!

Ms. Darbus: Let me go post the results!

5 hours later...

Ms. Darbus: They are now posted!

Troy: Dude, what took you so long?

Ms. Darbus: Me and Britney took a margarita break! Then Lindsay and I had a cocaine splurge...

Jason: OHMIGOD. THE LIST!!!!!!!!! (everyone runs to see the list)

_Results List_

_Troy...Ryan Evans_

_Gabriella...Martha Burlington_

_Sharpay...Coach Bolton_

_Ryan...Kelsi Richards_

_Chad...Troy Bolton_

_Taylor...Taylor McKessie_

_Kelsi...Jason Sanderson_

_Jason...Zac Efron_

_Ms. Darbus...Gabriella Montez_

_Coach Bolton...Zeke Mathews_

_Zeke...Chad Danforth_

_Martha...Sharpay Evans_

Kelsi: My part is SO beastly.

Martha: YES! I'm Gabriella! I knew the Jenny muffins would work! Thank you Kirsty Alley!

Kirsty: Don't mention it! I've lost 49049292039320 pounds! (poofs into a could of smoky glitter)

Chad: I wish I could be smoky glitter.

Troy: I'm Chad? I really wanted to be Troy though! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (runs into Coach Bolton's arms) DADDY! WHY?"

Coach Bolton: Idk my bff jill?

Sharpay: What? I'm Martha? But Martha is fat, and I just got liposuction!

Ryan: Yes! I knew performing Gimme More would make me Troy!

Gabriella: Zac Efron is in the play?

Zac: Like my new golf shoes? They're Italian.

Jason: They are amazazing!

Troy: That's weird.

Jason: What's weird?

Chad: Yo momma!

Troy: I was expecting you to be like "These shoes rule. These shoes suck." or something quoting a Youtube vid.

Jason: My parents put parental blocks on everything. Now I can only go on Neopets, Millsberry, and Webkinz.

Gabriella: I have 98409 webkinz!

Chad: I have -7 webkinz!

Gabriella: Did you spin the wheel of wow today? I DID!!!!!

Sharpay: Ryan, by getting the lead, we should celebrate with some figgy pudding!

Ryan: Bring me some figgy pudding and bring it out here!

Coach Bolton:I'm Sharpay! Oh yeah! Na Na Na Na! Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na You are the music in...Na Na Na Na! Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na You are the music in, are the myoosic! in...me.

Troy: Ew...dad...look at your pants.

Coach Bolton: (Looks down and see a red blotch) OMG I GOT MY PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(runs out of auditorium)

Ryan: Does anybody want a nude pic of Vanessa Whoregens? I mean...Hudgens.

Zac: I DO!!!!!!!!! (grabs the picture and stares at it)

Sharpay: Perv.

Taylor: Manwhore.

Ms. Darbus: (Sipping a martini) We will start rehearsals on Monday. Toodleloo! (Passes out on the stage)

Chad: Should we call the paramedics?

Martha: Quick! I'll do the hemlich manuever!

Zac: And I'm...Link!

Martha: (Does the hemlich and the little olive from Ms. Darbus's martini shoots out and pokes Zeke in the eye)

Zeke: OW! NOT MY GOOD EYE! .

Martha: Ms. Darbus, I hoped you learned a lesson from this.

Ms. Darbus: That Dumbledore is gay?

Martha: No. Only ice cream, never ice creams with fruits and nuts, INCLUDING OLIVES.

Taylor: I didn't know an olive was a nut!

Chad: It's part of the cashew family, retard.

Ryan: Speaking of cashews, who wants to play hide and go seek?

Everyone: Okay, we'll hide, you seek.

Ryan: OKAY! (closes eyes) 1...2...3...4...

Troy: (whispering) Come one everyone, let's go get smoothie king! (Everyone except Ryan sneeks out)

Ryan: 4999...5000! Ready or not hear I come! (looks around, and sees and hears no one) Damn...they're good at this game...

**A/n: Yeah! Chapter 3! Lol. I love all the reviews I get on this story! It makes me feel so good! XD. Bye the way...READ SILLY LILLY'S AND ALISSYN'S LOLIVER THE MUSICAL! (ON SILLY LILLY'S ACCOUNT) ITS THE BEST LOLIVER PARODY YOU WILL EVER READ!**


	4. Chapter 4

First Rehearsal

Ms. Darbus: (slurring her words because she's drunk) HALLOOO EVERYONE!! LETZ GOO REHEERS ACK ONE SCEEEN ONE!

Zac: What's my motivation?

Chad: You're not even in this scene.

Vanessa: Zac, you forgot this at my apartment! (Throws him a sweatshirt with lipstick stains on it)

Zac: Thanks pumpkin!

Gabriella: OMG! You look just like me! (giggles)

Vanessa: Of course I do! I'm the slut version of you!

Gabriella: Hey, I'm just as big of a slut as you are! I took nude pictures!

Vanessa: So did I! And I have a sex tape with Zac! Beat that bitch.

Sharpay: Ew, Zanessa burns my eyes.

Chad: It does! AH! Someone scrub my corneas!

Ryan: (comes up with a towel) I'm scrubbing the retinas as fast as I can!

Chad: I said corneas stupid!

Ms. Darbus: (drinking out of a keg) ACTTKK OONE SKEEN ONE!!!!!!!! (Zeke, Ryan, and girl playing Mrs. Bolton go on stage)

Zeke: (playing Coach Bolton) Don't be afraid to shoot the outside J!

Ryan: (playing Troy) Like this? (tap dances his way to the basket, and misses, hitting zeke in the eye)

Zeke: OW! NOT THE OTHER EYE! NOW I HAVE TO GET 2 EYEPATCHES!

Kenny: CUT! Ryan, you shouldn't tap dance to the basket!

Ms. Darbus: EXUSEEEE ME HOO ARW YOO?

Kenny: I'm Kenny Ortega, director of HSM, HSM2, and the Cheetah Girls 2, and Ugly Betty! LOL JK about Ugly Betty...I'm also directing this musical!

Ms. Darbus: IAM DA DIRRECTER! JUSSST BECAWSE I HAWVE ISUES DOESSS NOT MEAN I CAN'T BE A DIRRRRECTER.

Kenny: Yeah, yeah. Tell it to Oprah. And ACTION!

Girl (playing Mrs. Bolton): Did we really come all the way down here to play basketball?

Ryan (playing Troy) and Zeke (playing Coach Bolton): No.

Girl (playing Mrs. Bolton): SO LET'S GO!

Miley: GNO!

Sharpay: When did Miley Cyrus get here?

Kenny: And...party scene!

Martha (playing Gabriella): (silently reading a book)

Girl (Playing Mrs. Montez): Whatcha reading? Lemme see! (grabs book, and looks at the title) The Atkins Diet? For the love of God, just get a tummy tuck!

Martha (playing Gabriella): I want to lose weight the healthy way!

Kirsty (appearing from a smoky glitter cloud again): Martha! I thought you called Jenny!

Chad: There she goes with the smoky glitter again! UGH!

Martha: I did call Jenny, and all they gave me were the fricking muffins!

Taylor: Do you know the muffin man who lives on Dreary Lane?

Ryan: I DO! HIS NAME IS GERARD!

Kirsty: Whatever luzzer. (turns into smoky glitter again)

Ms. Darbus: ANND ACKION!

Boy (playing the DJ): Let's get two other people on the stage! YOU!!!!!!!!! WITH THE JAZZ SHOES! (points to Ryan) and YOU!!!!!!!! WITH THE JELLY ROLLS! (points to Martha).

Martha (playing Gabriella): HEY! I'm trying to lose weight!

Boy (playing DJ): Like I care! Just sing!

Ryan (playing Troy): YOU GOTTA STRUT LIKE YA MEAN IT! FREE YA MIND!

Kenny: CUT! Ryan, wrong musical!

Ryan: We aren't doing Cheetah Girls 2? I so wanted to be Dorinda though!

Kelsi: DID ANY OF YOU BUY TCG? I DID!

Coach Bolton: SO DID I! SO BRING IT ON! (dances and trips on Ms. Darbus's keg)

Ms. Darbus: THATZ MYYL KEGGAG!

Troy (entering the auditorium): Sorry I'm late! I was getting some Starbucks! Does anybody want any?

Jason: I could go for a non-fat latte!

Troy: I'm not GOING that way! (trips on Coach Bolton, and splashes Ms. Darbus with a boiling chai latte)

Ms. Darbus: AHH! IT BURNS!

Coach Bolton: You're not wasted anymore!

Kenny: Okay, so let's start with "The Start of Something New". AND ACTION!

Ryan (playing Troy): Living in my own world, didn't understand, that anything could happen, when I take off my pants.

Martha (playing Gabriella): I never believed in, what I couldn't see. I never opened my thighs!

Ryan (playing Troy): OH!

Martha (playing Gabriella): To all my sexual abilities.

Both: I know, that something has changed, never felt this way! Let's get in bed tonight! Because it is...

Ryan (playing Troy): The end of our virginity! It feels so right!

Martha (playing Gabriella): To do it with you!

Ryan (playing Troy): OH!

Both: And now, that we used condoms! I feel in my heart!!!!!!!!! The end of our virginity!

Kenny: AND CUT! THAT WAS PERFECT!

Troy: QUE HORA ES! VERANO! NUESTRO VACCACIONES!

Kenny: Uh...why are you singing "What Time Is It?" in Spanish?

Troy: Cuz I felt like it. GOSH! (stomps off the stage)

Chad: Napoleon! Can I have some of your tots?

Sharpay: Vote for Pedro!

Gabriella: Pedro is a Mexi-can't.

Vanessa: I know. He is so fake, just like my tan.

Taylor: No Vanessa, your the Mexi-can't, Miss "I'm Philipino, Irish, Mexican, Indian, Native American, Chinese and Puerto Rican!"

Vanessa: Hey, I'm just trying to be diverse!

Taylor: If you wanna be diverse, go to a food court!

Vanessa: Why would I want to go to a food court, I'm anorexic!

Kenny: I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I KNOW WHAT WE NEED TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM! TOMORROW, DR. PHIL IS GONNA COME AND SORT OUT ALL YOUR PROBLEMS!

**A/n: This is my least favorite chapter. Thank you for all the reviews! It makes me feel special! LOL JK. But they really do make me happy!**


	5. Chapter 5

Time with Dr. Phil at the Second Rehearsal

Kenny: Okay, I know I promised Dr. Phil to come, and well, here he is, Dr. PHIL!

Dr. Phil: That's Mr. Dr. Professor Phil to you.

Gabriella: OMG, it's Dr. Phil!

Jason: Phil, Phil, Phil of the Future! He'a a 22nd century man!

Sharpay: Um, wrong Phil, bitch.

Jason: Sharpay said a naughty word! Ms. Darbus!

Ms. Darbus: (drinking a cosmopolitan) What?

Jason: Sharpay said the b word!

Ms. Darbus: Shut up, dumbass.

Dr. Phil: Mkay y'all, it's time do talk about y'alls feelings! Everyone get in a circle!

Everyone: Okay! (everyone forms a triangle)

Dr. Phil: Perfect! So let's start with you, Coach Bolton. What's your problem?

Coach Bolton: Well, I kind of think my son is a wuss.

Troy: Daddy! How could you! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Phil: Let's put it to the test. (throws a wrench at Troy)

Troy: Ouchy! My spleen! What did you do that for, meanie?

Dr. Phil: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a dodgeball.

Troy: But I did dodge it!

Dr. Phil: No, you didn't. Your spleen dodged it.

Coach Bolton: That explains so much!

Dr. Phil: M'kay, now Troy, besides being a scaredy-cat, what's your problem?

Troy: How do you know my name?

Dr. Phil: It's in the script...

Troy: (acts paranoid) I feel like someone is watching, like someone is deciding my every move...

Dr. Phil: Of course. That would be Kenny.

Troy: Who's Kenny?

Kenny: Hi Troy.

Troy: Leave me alone stalker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (runs out out of the auditorium screaming like a girl)

Vanessa: I sounded like that when I was having sex with Zac!

Zac: Shh!!!! Zanessa is supposed to be a secret.

Dr. Phil: I would love to hear about y'alls problems.

Zac: Well, my girlfriend is kind of a sex addict, and not that it's not fun, but I wish she get it that when I say "WAHHHH!", I'm quoting my character from Hairspray, not making sex sounds.

Dr. Phil: Vanessa, is this true?

Vanessa: You're hot. Want to go have sex?

Dr. Phil: Okay! (walks into a closet together)

**30 Minutes Later...**

Dr. Phil: (walking out of the closet with Vanessa) Lets...do this again sometime, Vanessa.

Vanessa: I'm not Vanessa...(rips off body suit) I'm Ms. Darbus!

Ryan: Bad images...bad images...

Zac: So where is my baby v?

Vanessa: (pops out of Chad's belly button) That was some great belly button sex, Corbin.

Chad: Shhhh! Nobody's supposed to know I'm Corbin!

Taylor: Ew, Vanorbin.

Dr. Phil: (buttoning his shirt) Did you have anything to conclude, Zac?

Zac: There's this other girl, who looks exactly like Vanessa, but she's really smart. She's like a brainy sex pot.

Gabriella: I think you mean sexy brain pot.

Dr. Phil: M'kay, so Chad, didn't you say something about bleu cheese?

Jason: J'adore fromage!

Sharpay: They make colored cheese now? SWEET! I want my cheese to be pink, so it will be FABULOUS!

Ryan: That is her simple request!

Sharpay: Ryan! Not until the sequel!

Ryan: Sorry, force of habit.

Chad: Well, there's this guy, and let's call him "Borbin Cleu". Borbin was in Jump In!, Flight 29 Down, High School Musical, and the pilot of Hannah Montana. He also has an album, Another Side. But he also has a normal life...

Dr. Phil: Are you tryin' to tell me you're pullin' a Hannah Montana?

Ryan: You get the Best of Both Worlds! Chillin' out take it slow!

Hannah: Then you rock out the show!

Gabriella: Hannah Montana! My name is Gabriella Montez, and I'm a HUGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEE FAN.

Hannah: I can't wait, to see you again.

Sharpay: I thought that was a Miley Cyrus song.

Hannah: Oops, wrong alias.

Dr. Phil: Oy vey. Gabriella, do you have issues?

Gabriella: I feel like I'm always competing with Vanessa who is the bigger slut. I mean we both took nude pictures, but she just HAD to have a sex tape...

Dr. Phil: Okay then...Sharpoop, do you need pyscho therapy?

Sharpay: Excuse me? It's SharPAY. I keep having these bladder spasms...

Dr. Phil: You know I'm not a real doctor...

Kelsi: IMPOSTER!

Martha: So I can't ask you for diet pills?

Dr. Phil: So...Ryan...what's your problem?

Ryan: I dont know where to begin. I guess it all started when I got herpes.

Dr. Phil: I can't take this anymore. YOU ARE ALL CRAZY!!! YOU NEED THERAPISTS!!!!!! GAH!

Sharpay: You are a therapist.

Dr. Phil: Or am I? (fades into nothing)

Coach Bolton: WHOA.

Jason: I know, that was so kewl!

Coach Bolton: No, my water broke.

Ryan: PUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coach Bolton: PUSHING! (a baby comes out of his armpit)

Chad: Groody, it has B.O.

Coach Bolton: I think I'll name it Bob!

Martha: It's a girl though.

Jason: Bob the Builder! Can we fix it? Bob the Builder! Yes we can!

Kelsi: No we can't. Are you playing games with me again? (slaps Jason) Goodbye! (stomps off)

Gabriella: So who's the dad?

Coach Bolton: Sharpay.

Ms. Darbus: Really? Sharpay is the dad of my baby too! (Suddenly her stomach grows)

Ryan: SHARPAY IS MY BABY'S DAD THREE! (stomach randomly grows)

Troy: (Coming out of Coach Bolton's other armpit, looking pregnant) Sharpay's the dad four!

Chad: Damn Sharpay, you need to learn how to use condoms.

Vanessa: Even I'm not that big of a slut!

Taylor: And that says something!

**A/N: WOO! CHAPTER 5 HAS ARRIVED! lol. I tried to make this chapter extra funny, so I hope it was! I really appreciate all the reviews I'm getting for this story, please keep it up!**


	6. Chapter 6

The Second Rehearsal

Ms. Darbus: Now, that I am sober, let's run the part where Gabriella and Zac meet up for a second time.

Kenny: HEY! I'M THE DIRECTOR! YOU CAN'T TELL THEM WHAT TO DO!

Ms. Darbus: Actually, I can tell them what to do, but I can't tell YOU what to do, since you're dead and all.

Jason: YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kenny: I'm not dead!

Troy: Wasn't that Pink's album?

Ms. Darbus: Now you're dead. (takes out a gun and shoots Kenny)

Ryan: Oh my god, they killed Kenny!

Chad: You bastards!

Ms. Darbus: (putting her gun away) Anyways, lets do the scene!

Troy: Hold on, let me get on my Chad wig! (puts on an afro wig)

Coach Bolton: And I need to put on my Sharpay wig! (puts on a long, blonde wig)

Zeke: Your not in until the next scene...

Chad and Sharpay: (to Troy and Coach Bolton) WHOA. YOU GUYS ARE LIKE OUR TWINS!

Sharpay: Except way hotter. (winks at Troy)

Coach Bolton: OH NO. You already knocked me up once, let's not do that again.

Sharpay: I wasn't talking to you, buttface.

Troy: I'll have a one night stand with you!

Sharpay: Actually this will be our 28th night stand.

Zac: I remember when I had my 28th night stand with Vanessa...

Vanessa: (making out with Jason) Big deal, i've had 28th night stands with everyone.

Ms. Darbus: GET IN YOUR DAMN SPOTS FOR THE SCENE!

(Coach Bolton, Troy, Ryan, Chad, Martha, Kelsi, Gabriella, Zac, and Taylor get in scene)

Zac (playing Jason): Do you remember anything since your dyslexia accident?

Ryan (playing Troy:) No dude, all I remember is, like pink jelly.

Gabriella (playing Ms. Darbus): Hello class. (starts unbuttoning her shirt)

Chad (playing Zeke): Ms. Darbus! Did you get work done?

Gabriella (playig Ms. Darbus): Just a little. (pushes boobs together) So...how was everyone's winter break? Did anyone get into a freak basketball skiing dyslexia accident and all they can remember by it is pink jelly?

Ryan (playing Troy): OO! OO! I DID!

Martha (playing Gabriella): Weren't you the guy I had sex with at that winter lodge place?

Ryan (playing Troy): Yeah! Maybe that's how I remember pink jelly!

Martha (playing Gabriella): Oh, I remember pink jelly all right...(winks at Ryan) And the way you used your spleen...

Kelsi (playing Ryan): MY EARLOBES! MY VIRGIN EARLOBES! (covers ears)

Troy (playing Chad): Why do you think they call him the virgin?

Taylor (playing Taylor): Someone who hasn't had...intercourse. (Troy's nostril rings)

Gabriella (playing Ms. Darbus): Was that a cell phone?

Troy (playing Chad): Oh! The ravioli's ready! (pulls out a microwave out of his nose) It's 4-cheese!

Gabriella (playing Ms. Darbus): Wait, cell phones don't ring, they molest other cell phones!

Gabriella's phone (playing Gabriella's phone): AHHH! TROY'S PHONE IS MOLESTING ME! SOCIAL SERVICES!

Gabriella (playing Ms. Darbus): NO CELL PHONE MOLESTING IN MY CLASS! TROY! GABRIELLA! DETENTION! FOR NOT TEACHING YOUR CELL PHONES PROPER SEXUAL ETTIQUETTE.

Ryan and Martha (playing Gabriella and Troy): UGH. FINE.

Vanessa: Whoa! When did you guy switch clothes?

Ms. Darbus: Ugh. CUT!

Ryan: (looks down to see he's wearing a dress) OMG! I LOOK LIKE A CROSS DRESSER!

Taylor: You ARE a cross dresser.

Chad: This reminds me of the time when me and Ryan performed "I Don't Dance", then we hooked up in the locker room, and we accidently put on each others clothes.

Ryan: Oh yeah! The first time I had gay sex!

Gabriella: You're gay?

Ryan: Chad's gay, Jason's gay, Shane's gay, everyone's gay!

Gabriella: What about Ryella? Doesn't that mean anything to you?

Ryan: We had some good times, but I've moved on to Chad.

Taylor: No more Chaylor? But what I that what we had was special!

Sharpay: Who's Shane?

Jason: Shane. No. Shane come back. I love you Shane! (starts crying)

Shane: (appearing randomly) Jason! I'm back!

Jason: Shane! (starts making out with Shane)

Vanessa: WHAT? I HAD SEX WITH A GAY GUY?

Gabriella: Please. You'll have sex with anything that has holes and/or sticks in it.

Vanessa: You're saying that like it's a bad thing! Trees are really good in bed...

Zac: Hey little girl with the spending spree! I don't come cheap but the kiss come free!

Link: Hey! That's my line!

Zeke: (dressed in black with eyeliner on) What do you think of my new look?

Vanessa: Are you wearing guyliner? That's so sexy.

Zeke: No, just regular eyeliner...

Kelsi: Are you emo?

Zeke: Maybe...

Kelsi: Let's go cut our wrists together! (magically poofs into emo clothes)

Ms. Darbus: GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WE'RE GETTING A LITTLE OFF TOPIC!

Ryan: Just a little...

Ms. Darbus: (her boobs beep) OMG! I totally forgot I have sex therapy in 15 minutes. We're talking about HIV today! TTYL!

Shane: Asta la Pasta!

Sharpay: So...what should we do now?

Chad: Let's go to the Best of Both Worlds concert!

Jason: Yeah! I have presale tickets since I'm a MileyWorld member!

Troy: Let's go! (claps, and they mysteriously appear at the Best of Both Worlds concert)

Everyone: GNO! HOO HOO!

Ryan: (pops up on stage) It's a girls night! (winks at audience and walks off)

Miley: NO! THAT'S MY SONG! AHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come on Nick, let's go have sex somewhere.

Nick: Okay Mrs. Nick Jonas. Niley rules! (both walk off stage)

Chad: NO! I HAVE NICK JONAS'S BABIES! MY LIFE IS OFFICIALLY RUINED...

**A/n: This is my most random chapter yet! LOL. Sorry I didn't update this weekend like I should of have, I was just really busy. If the gay thing offends you in any way, I'm really sorry, because I haven't nothing against gay people. Anyway, please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

The Third Rehearsal

Ms. Darbus: Okay, let's do Breaking Free!

Chad: You skipped Getcha Head in the Game.

Sharpay: And Bop to the Top.

Ryan: And What I've Been Looking For.

Zeke: And Status Quo.

Gabriella: And When There Was Me and You.

Zac: And Ladie's Choice.

Vanessa: Honey, wrong musical. :\

Ryan: Whoa! how did you do that?

Vanessa: What, how to be a whore?

Ryan: No, I already know how to do that! How did you do that smiley thingy?

Vanessa: Like this. (starts making out with him)

Ryan: I'm dating Chad though!

Chad: Ryan, how could you? I thought "I Don't Dance" meant something to you! (cries and walks away)

Ryan: Vanessa! Look what you did!

Zac: Vanessa, I think we should break up.

Vanessa: WHAT? NOO!!!!!!! (melts into a pile of Play-do)

Gabriella: OOH! PLAY-DO! (starts playing with it) LOOK! I MADE A PONY!

Ms. Darbus: WAT DE HEL IS U HET DOEN VAN VAN KERELS? WIJ HEBBEN NODIG DOEN VRIJ BREKEN! KRIJG UW EZELS OP HET STADIUM!

Troy: Sorry, I don't speak alien.

Chad: She's an alien? We're being attacked! AHH! Plan 66!

Troy: What the hell is Plan 66?

Kelsi: It's when we turn Ms. Darbus into snow cones!

Ryan: Oh Yeah!!!!! (grabs Ms. Darbus and puts her in a snow cone maker, then snow cone stuff comes out)

Coach Bolton: Damn, these are good.

Troy: (scoffs) Not as good as my ravioli...

Taylor: What are they, cherry?

Zeke: They're Ms. Darbus flavored, duh!

Coach Bolton: Whatever luzzerish retard.

Zeke: You son of a bitch!

Coach Bolton: I'm not a guy anymore. I got a boob job, my hair done, and a sex change to fit the role of Sharpay more!

Jason: Transvesite.

Ryan: I thought your hair looked more blonde!

Troy: SO I HAVE 2 MOMS?!?!?!

Sharpay: Eh, my boobs are still bigger.

Coach Bolton: HEY! I'm proud to be a 34B!

Sharpay: But I'm a 34C.

Coach Bolton: DAMN YOU SHARPAY. DAMN YOU!!!!!!!

Zac: Fictional characters give me orgasms.

Kelsi: That was random...

Mysterious Voice: GUYS! START REHEARSING!

Troy: Who said that? Whoever it is, don't take my webkinz!

Chad: I think it's the Ms. Darbus snow cones. (puts his snowcone in his ear)

Mysterious Voice: Chad! I don't want to be in your ear! Hurry! I have sex therapy in an hour!

Chad: Whoa. It IS Ms. Darbus.

Troy: I miss Kenny.

Gabriella: Kenny totes musicals.

Kenny: I'm right here.

Martha: KENNY! I THOUGHT YOU DIED!

Kenny: I can't randomly come alive again? Do you guys hate me? I knew it! (takes out a gun and shoots himself)

Ryan: Kenny! No! Why did you have to be suicidal?!!?!?

Jason: Beautiful Girl! That's why it will never work! You got me suicidal! suicidal!

Sharpay: I thought it was in denial, in denial.

Troy: No, that's the radio disney edit!

Kelsi: Why did they edit it?

Chad: They didn't want suicidal 8 year olds...

Zac: No shit.

Martha: Zac cussed! Legaspeth!

Zac: I cussed in Hairspray, remember? I said "kiss my ass."

Nikki: Good times, good times.

Martha: Nikki Blonsky? OMG, it's really you!

Nikki: I'm not Nikki Blonsky...(rips off clothes) I'm Nick Jonas!

Kelsi: NICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ik houd van u! Ik wil geslacht met u hebben en uw babys hebben! Ik wil geboorte aan Jr. van de Inkeping geven, en wij kunnen gelukkige Teletubbies zijn die geslacht met elkaar elke nacht hebben! Het geslacht van Jonas van de inkeping. Yum.

Nick: What did she say?

Sharpay: Something about Teletubby sex...

Troy: Zomigod, she speaks alien too! Quick! To the snow cone machine! (grabs Kelsi, and puts her in the snow cone machine, and snow cone stuff comes out again)

Jason: Dang, these are better than the Ms. Darbus ones!

Nick: Let me try some! Wait, I can't have any. Diabetics can't have sugar.

Sharpay: Nick, why aren't you screwing Miley?

Nick: Miley moved onto bigger things, like my brother Kevin.

Gabriella: Ew, who likes Kevin Jonas?

Troy: Blaireyface does!

Zeke: Who's Blaireyface?

Ryan: You're mom's face.

Zeke: My mom's face is named Blaire? That actually makes sense! Blaireyface...my mom's face...

Gabriella: My face's name is Pearlyphayse!

Jason: My face's name is Cathy.

Zac: I can't believe Cathy left me like that! (starts crying)

Jason: Cathy, did you break up with Zac?

Cathy: Yes. Only because I hated our celebrity couple name, Zathy.

Nick: OOH! It sends an S.O.S. Don't wanna second guess this is the bottom line, it's true! I gave my all for you! Now my heart's in 2, and I can't find the other half, it's like I'm walking on broken glass! Better believe I bled...

Gabriella: Whoa! Did you have a period when you wrote that song?

Nick: Is it that obvious?

Ryan: Wait, since we ate Kelsi, when need someone to play me in HSM!

Nick: I'll play Ryan! I love wearing hats! Even if it means covering up my bouncy curls.

Sharpay: You are so brave! (swoons)

Nick: Hold on, Sharpay. I already have a girlfriend. Her name is Frieda!

Sharpay: Damnit, I'm too late.

Nick: Our celebrity name is Frick! We were even mentioned in J-14! Take a look! (gives the magazine to Martha)

Martha: (reading it out loud) What the Frick? Info inside!

Chad: I thought I had your babies though!

Nick: Your a dude.

Chad: Maybe that's what I want you to think.

Ryan: Your a dude. Trust me, I KNOW.

Gabriella: Bad images...

Nick: Anyways, me and Frieda are having sex in 5 seconds. Toodleloo! (poofs away)

Ryan: I think we all learned something today.

Martha: What's that?

Ryan: Diabetics pwn.

**A/n: This is one of my fave chapters. xD. I would like to give special thanks to Corey5268 for the Plan 66 idea! LOL. I am so happy that I get so many reviews for this story, please keep it up! By the way, I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/n: Sorry I haven't updated in 26 years! I've just been really busy the last few weeks. I went to the Hannah Montana concert, I auditioned for a play, and I had 15 tons of homework! For those of you who got the alert, read this, and then when you reviewed, it said "chapter out of range", well, that was because it got accidently deleted. But it's posted again, so if you already read this chapter, I'm sorry! Please review if you haven't!**

The Fourth Rehearsal

Joe: Okay, let's begin with...Status Quo!

Zac: Who the hell is Joe?

Nick: No, my brother Joe! He's the new director! You silly octopus!

Sharpay: JOe JOnas.

Ryan: Are you sure he isn't Joe? Joe Mama?

Chad: Ryan, no one's last name is Mama.

Yo: (runs in the room screaming) Mine is! (runs away)

Troy: Should we call the suicide hotline?

Gabriella: No, Yo didn't look emo...

Martha: Yeah, he looked schitzophrenic.

Joe: Whoa! Aren't you the wedding singer for my wedding?

Martha: Yes, yes I am!

Nick: Joe, You're getting married? To who?

Ilana: I think the backdrops need to be more blue...

Joe: Ilana, the uberly awesome art director.

Taylor: I think you mean gynocologist!

Facebook Mini-feed: Joe has changed his relationship status! Joe Jonas is getting married to Ilana.

Jason: Who said that? Was it Voldemort?

Facebook Mini-Feed: I'm the facebook Mini-feed! I repeat everything that happens!

Jason:Don't hurt me! I'm just a muggle!

Facebook Mini-feed: Jason updated his mood! Jason feels threatened.

Zeke: Good Morning Voldemort!!!!!!!!

Ryan: (pulls out wand) Expecto, Potronum!

Ilana: OMG, Dementorz yo.

Sharpay: I like her! She's quirky!

Facebook Mini-feed: Sharpay Evans has decided that Ilana is quirky.

Ms. Darbus: Damnit, that thing is getting annoying.

Chad: Ms. Darbus? I thought we ate you in the last chapter!

Fergie: Everyone comes back to life in the next chapter! Even I know that!

Troy: You weren't even in the last chapter.

Joe: Neither was I!

Troy: Yeah, but you dated AJ Michalka.

Gabriella: What was your celebrity couple name? Jaj?

Joe: Actually it was JJJ, but the third J, is silent.

Chad: C'mon Ryan, let's go eat some latkes...

Gabriella: Ryan! I thought we were going to shopping at Delias!

Chad: Chyan!

Gabriella: Ryella!

Taylor: Chaylor!

Troy: Tryan!

Sharpay: Gabpay!

Zac: Zashley!

Lilly: Loliver!

Maddie: Zaddie!

Jackson: Lackson!

Zeke: Omj! No wonder I'm constipated! I forgot to take my Lacksonives! (runs quickly to the bathroom)

Jason: OMJ? Oh my...Jonas?

Sharpay: Fersure.

Ryan: Kick off your stilettos! And fuck me in the backseat!

Sharpay: (stares at the bathroom door) What do you think he's doing in there?

Ilana: You know...stuff.

Joe: Awkward!

Troy: I think he's growing a third arm...

Joe: I don't have a third arm! Silly Fans! HAHAHAHA!

Ryan: Somebody's on crack...

Ms. Darbus: How did you figure out so fast? Was it my asophogus that gave it away?

Chad: I thought you were just an alcoholic-turned-into-a-snowcone...

Ms. Darbus: I'm a snowcone, druggie, sex addict, and an alcoholic! Who wants some tequila? (opens cork, and hit Gabriella in the boob)

Gabriella: OW! I just paid for these!

Jason: A shot of love with Tila Tequila!

Zac: Zomg, I so think Dani is going to win.

Coach Bolton: Bobby rocks my socks. He is so freaking hot. (swoons)

Kelsi: Troy, I think your dad is gender confused...

Gabriella: Like that wolf in Shrek 2! I'm making waffles!

Taylor: That was from the first one...

Joe: (passionately making out with Ilana, then realizes people are watching) Oh yeah, guys, do Bop to the Top!

Coach Bolton and Nick: (get on stage)

Nick (playing Ryan): Much pleasure.

Coach Bolton (playing Sharpay): It has fabulous!!! RRRRRR! AY AY AY!

Nick (playing Ryan): ITTTTT ARRRRRRRRIVEEESSSSSSS!

Coach Bolton (playing Sharpay): You want to dance?

Nick (playing Ryan): Sight me!

Coach Bolton (playing Sharpay): Creo en el dreamin ' Shootin ' para las estrellas!

Nick (playing Ryan): Bebé a ser número uno que usted tiene levantar la barra!

Joe: CUT! YOU GOT THE SPANISH AND THE ENGLISH MIXED UP!

Ilana: I think it's cute!

Joe: You're cute! (makes out with Ilana)

Nick: Ew, save it for the bedroom.

Ilana: OMG! Joe and I had sex without condoms! What should I do!

Sharpay: You need to get tested, sweetie.

Jason: Damn, I'm having a candy craving. Does anybody have dome sweet tarts?

Miley: Are you overloaded, candy coated! You're life's imploding now!

Nick: MILEY!!!!! (passionately makes out with Miley)

Freida: NICK?!!?!?!? HOW COULD YOU? (bitch slaps him)

Nick: It's...not what it looks like!

Freida: Goodnight and Goodbye, Nick Jonas! Frick, is OVER. (walks away)

Martha: What happened to the Facebook Mini-Feed?

Jason: I deleted my Facebook.

Joe: AND I'M...BOOKFACE!

Ilana: Honey, you're making me blush! (kisses Joe)

Ryan: This is, a walking liplock!

Taylor: I've felt like, we bought an iPod...

Chad: YOU WENT IPOD SHOPPING WITHOUT ME!?!?!?!?!?

Hermione: I'll go iPod shopping with you!

Zeke: You're not even an HSM character...

Harry: Omgz, dementorz yo.

Gabriella: When did all the Harry Potter characters come?

Ron: WOW! ACTUAL MUGGLES!

Coach Bolton: What did you just call me?!?!?!? (starts beating up Ron)

George: C'mon Ron! Hermione will still snoggle you!

Fred: It's okay Ron! Cheer up!

Nick: It's not that hard to be a Fred...

Troy: HOEEEDOWN!

Chad: (appearing in a cowboy outfit) A hoedown! Yee haw!!!!!! (dances horribly)

Joe: Where were you when we had hoedown lessons?

Chad: Idk, my bff Ron?

Ron: THAT'S ME!

Troy: (gossiping to Ryan) He was making out with Sharpay when we had hoedown lessons.

Gabriella: CHADPAY?!?!?!?!

Sharpay: Chad! You weren't supposed to tell anyone about that!

Chad: I'm sorry! I kept it a secret!

Sharpay: Who told then?

Nick: I DID! MUAHAHAHAHAH!

Troy: Just goes to show you can't trust anyone with a fro.


	9. Chapter 9

The Fifth Rehearsal

Nick: Happy quiziggyziggyzam! (skips around the auditorium and throws confetti from a basket)

Zac: Supercalifragalisticespialadocious?

Kevin: No silly, quiziggyziggyzam!

Sharpay: OMG, IT"S SPACE MOUNTAIN!

Kevin: What? Since we are we in Disneyland?

Jason: Is quiziggyziggyzam some kind of dance? (starts doing the cha cha slide)

Cha Cha Slide Man: TO THE LEFT! TAKE IT BACK NOW YALL! TWO HOPS TWO HOPS!

Ryan: DO I LOOK LIKE A RABBIT TO YOU? (walks away in a bunny suit and starts eating a carrot while doing the bunny hop)

Joe: No, Quiziggyquizzyzam is a national holiday that started 6 minutes ago, and ends at 7:05 tonight!

Zac: I WAS FINE. TIL 7:05. TIL SHE WALKED OUT THE DOOR AND OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!

Taylor: Dude, you seriously need to get over Vanessa.

Zac: Oh I'm over her, I'm just a Jonas Brothers fan. (winks at Joe)

Joe: AWKWARD!!!!!!

Gabriella: Happy Hanukah! (puts emphasis on the "h")

Ilana: Get some Nyquil for that hacking.

Fred: I hope Mom doesn't hacking ground me!

Sharpay: Fred from JKL Productions! I love you!

Fred: AH! These are the people Mommy warned me about! (runs away)

Gabriella: No! He left! And I didn't even get to celebrate Hannukah with him!

Chad: Hannukah was over like a week ago, and you're not even Jewish.

Gabriella: I like to relate to the Hebrew peeps. Shalom haverim!

Rabbi: Shalom haverim, Shalom haverim, SHALOM!!!! SHALOM!!!!!!!

Nick: Slow down sugar, I'm diabetic.

Fabook Mini-feed: Nick Jonas changed his quotes! Nick Jonas added "Slow down sugar, I'm diabetic."

Ryan: I THOUGHT JASON DELETED HIS FACEBOOK!

Coach: I joined! And I joined the group "Troypay supporters"

Facebook Mini-feed: Coach Bolton added the group "Troypay supporters."

Sharpay: (looks at Troy) There's a group named after us? PSHAW! (jumps onto Troy and starts making out with him)

Joe: UGH, you so stole me and Ilana's move.

Ilana: It's okay Joeyface, we do it better. (jumps on Joe and starts making out with him)

Gabriella: I want to play this game! (jumps on the Facebook Mini-feed, and starts making out with it)

Facebook Minifeed: Gabriella Montez changed her relationship! Gabriella Montez is now in an open relationship with the Facebook Mini-feed.

Gabriella: Honey! (kisses him more)

Chad: Faceb00k.

Ryan: I saw a n00b with a m00stache and he had m00fins.

Troy: Was that n00b...me? (randomly appears with a moustache and a muffin)

Ryan: Omigod, STALKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (hides in Gabriella's bra)

Gabriella: Ryan, you're making my boobs look lumpy!

Coach Bolton: Oh no. My water broke...AGAIN.

Troy: God Dad, how many times did you have sex?

Coach Bolton: Everyday...

Gabriella: EVERYDAY! OF OUR LIVES! BETTER FIND TRUE LOVE! BETTER HOLD ON TIGHT!

Nick: Hold on tight! It's a roller coaster ride were on! so...

Coach Bolton: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (gives birth out of his toenail)

Ryan: (peeking out of Gabriella's bra) ITS A GIRL!

Martha: TWIN GIRLS!

Coach Bolton: I think I'll name them...Gabpay and Sharella, or whatever the hell it is.

Chad: Ugh, what a fem slash whore!

Sharpay: I heart those names!

Gabriella: I heart them too!

Zeke: I heart your fucking makeup.

Kelsi: Oh my god i love your hair.

Zeke: Is that a new tatoo?

Kelsi: Did that piercing fucking hurt?

Jordin: You're on my heart just like a tatoooo.

Chad: JORDIN SPARKS! I loved you on American Idol! I want to have your babies!

Jordin: Uh, no thanks, but you can have them with Kevin!

Kevin: NO! I'm sexually pier! (runs into the Narnia wardrobe)

Taylor: When do you think he'll realize he's in Narnia?

Ryan: When he sees Mr. Tumnus the fawn!

Kevin: (running out of the wardrobe) AH!!!!!!!!! I JUST SAW SOME FREAKY GOAT THING!

Joe: Your mom's a freaky goat thing.

Kevin: You just called your own mom a freak goat thing...

Nick: ARE YOU INSULTING MAMA J?

Frankie: I think you are!

Kelsi: FRANKIE! YOU ARE THE MAN! (makes out with Frankie)

Chad: How can a 6 year old get action and I can't?

Facebook Mini-feed: Kelsi changed her relationship status! Kelsi is dating Frankie Jonas.

Troy: I thought Daddy was the only one with a Facebook...

Zac: Facebizzle homedoggiez.

Facebook Mini-feed: I like observing people and their thoughts...

Jason: AHHHH! PEDOFILE!! I knew this was going to be a pedofile field day! Don't rape me!!!!!

Ms. Darbus: You can only get raped at Sun Coast.

Nick: You can try to make us! Or rape us! Fall apart...

Joe: Dude, its BRAKE, not rape...

Kelly: YOU CAN'T EVEN SPELL BREAK RIGHT! B-R-E-A-K!

Jason: Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my fricking god! IT'S THE SHOES GIRL!

Kelly: Shoes.

Jason: Let's get some shoes.

Kelly: (points at Troy's shoes) This shoe's rule!

Troy: I pwn at shoe shopping.

Kelly: (smells Ryan's shoes) These shoes suck.

Ryan: BUT THEY ARE COACH! (starts crying)

Sharpay: Boo, you whore.

Regina: GET IN LOSER WE'RE GOING SHOPPING.

Kelly: These shoes are $300.

Jason: These shoes are fucking $300.

Kelly: Let's get them. (shoes poof into her hand)

Sharpay: I want those shoes.

Kelly: Sorry betch! (poofs away into Youtube)

Jason: Kelly's fucking rad.

**A/n: YOYOYO, it's the 9th chapter! LOL. Sorry I haven't updated, I was really busy with end of the semester stuff. But I'm on winter break now, and I finished my loliver, so I'm going to be updating more frequently now! Happy holidays, christmas, hannukah, kwanza, chrismahanukwanzakuh, and quiziggyziggyzam!**


	10. Chapter 10

The Sixth Rehearsal

Joe: Okay, we REALLY need to rehearse. We've done 5 and 1/2 rehearsals, and we've only done 2 songs and 2 scenes! And we haven't even GOTTEN to the choreographer!

Troy: What's a choreographer?

Joe: The dance dude.

Troy: Well why didn't you just say the dance dude?

Sharpay: Who's the choreographer?

Joe: Jamie Lynn Spears!

Jason: Ew, she's a slut.

Kelsi: I know! How do you get knocked up at 16?

Ms. Darbus: When a 16 year old and a 19 year old love each other very much, they...

Chad: Okay, I am NOT getting the sex talk from Ms. Darbus.

Martha: Isn't it a coincidence that Jamie Lynn Spears announced she was pregnant the SAME day Juno came out?

Sharpay: I just drank my weight in Sunny-D and I really need to pee! (runs to the bathroom)

Troy: I prefer Kool-Aid...

Kool Aid Man: (bursts from wall) OH YEAH!

Kelsi: I wish the Kool Aid Man would stop breaking my wall.

Ilana: Joe can break walls, he's part of Team Hilario! He's also Superman in disguise, and he can do the splits in skinny jeans!

Soulja Boy: Superman that JOEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Joe: And you know when that comes in handy...(winks at Ilana)

Nick: Keep the sexual innuendo to yourselves!

Malfoy: Ugh, mudbloods and their sexual innuendo.

Gabriella: MALFOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ryan :(bitch slaps Malfoy) HOW COULD YOU BE SO MEAN TO HARRY? YOU BITCH!

Taylor: Ryan is getting more emo every second...

Ryan: (appearing in heavy eyeliner, skinny jeans and black hair) What do you think of my new look?

Zeke: It's very...emo...

Ryan: Phsaw! And I have the slit wrists to prove it!

Sharpay: I miss the old Ryan...

Ryan: I'm still going to wear hats though.

Kelsi: NO!!! I thought I was finally going to win the Ryan/Kelsi hat count in HSM3!

Ryan: Crushed hopes and dreams. I know what that's like. (cries into a black puddle of tears)

Justin: Cry me a riverrrrrrrrrr...

Sharpay: Justin Timberlake!

Justin: I'm bringing sexy back.

Coach Bolton: I thought I was bringing sexy back!

Troy: Dad, you brought pregnancy back.

Jamie Lynn: You did for me!

Kevin: Guys, shut up! I'm reading the new issue of Tiger Beat! Hm, lets see, Selena Gomez stars in blank of Waverly Place...

Ilana: I think it's potatoes.

Kevin: Potatoes of Waverly Place! That sounds right! OO! (flips pages) AN ENORMOUS POSTER OF NICK!

Nick: OOH! Let me see! Pshaw, I look hawt.

Miley: Yes you are.

Nick: I am NOT talking to you.

Miley: Why Nickyface?

Nick: YOU MADE FREIDA LEAVE ME! I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU!

Miley: Fine, I had a thing for Kevin anyways. (makes out with Kevin)

Taylor: Kiley?

Chad: Mevin?

Sharpay: Keviley?

Kevin: Actually, we prefer, Milevin.

Freida: Eh, I like Keviley better.

Nick: FREIDA!

Gabriella: No, it's Gabriella.

Nick: I'm not talking to you strumpet!

Freida: Nick, I wuv you.

Nick; I wuv you too Freidaface. (makes out with Freida)

Joe: Aw, Frick.

Ilana: I like Jilana better.

Joe: Me too. (kisses Ilana)

Ms. Darbus: I DO NOT APPROVE OF THIS "PDA".

Facebook Minifeed: Ms. Darbus ignored PDA application.

Joe: Ms. Darbus is right. We need to do rehearse! Lets do status quo! (everyone gets on the stage)

Chad (playing Zeke): You can bet, I don't put up with shit, when I am in a zone and on a roll! But I've got a confession, my own secret profession, and I sexually lose control!

French Horn Players (playing french horn players): Everybody gather 'round!

Chad (playing Zeke): Well if Troy can tell his secret than I can tell mine...I'm a prostitute.

French Horn Players (playing french horn players): What the hell?

Chad (playing Zeke): I love to have sex! Regular, oral, even threesomes! (music stops)

Little Girl: Daddy, what's a threesome?

Little Girl's Dad: It's a game, adults play, when they're bored... (music continues)

French Horn Players (playing french horn players): Not another sound!

Chad (playing Zeke): Someday I hope to be the perfect hooker!

French Horn Players (playing french horn players): No, no, nooooooooooo! Stick to the shit you knowwwwwwwww. If you wanna be a Jew, you have to convert too! Kevin, Nick, and Joe, stick to the menstrual flow!

Sharpay (playing Martha): Look at me, I need to pee, incredibly beyond compare. My stomach is churning, something illogical is occurring, It's a secret I need to share.

Randomly Dorky Guys (playing randomly dorky guys): Open up, give us the 411!

Sharpay (playing Martha): I'm a transvestite! I really have a...

Randomly Dorky Guy #256 (playing randomly dorky guy #256): Don't even go there.

Randomly Dorky Guys (playing randomly dorky guys): TMI!

Sharpay (playing Martha): It's just a sex change. Sometimes I think it's cool experiencing both genders.

No, no, noooooooooo! Stick to the shit you knowwwwww! If you want your steak to be charred, put it on a grill, not a car! Kevin, Nick and Joe! Stick to the menstrual flowwww.

Everyone (playing everyone): No, no, noooooooooo! Stick to the shit you knowwwwww! If you want your steak to be charred, put it on a grill, not a car! Kevin, Nick and Joe! Stick to the menstrual flowwww.

Coach Bolton (playing Sharpay): This is not what I bought! This is not what I purchased! And I just gotta say, I want to return it. Something is really,

Nick ( playing Ryan): Something's not tizzight!

Coach Bolton (playing Sharpay): Really strong!!! (winks at Chad)

Coach Bolton and Nick (playing Sharpay and Ryan):And we gotta put things back where they belong! We can do it!

Facebook Minifeed: Don't choose Myspace!

Myspace: Stick with what you know.

Coach Bolton and Nick (playing Sharpay and Ryan): We can do it!

Sharpay (playing Martha): Transvestite pwn!

French Horn Players (playing french horn players): She has two genders!

Coach Bolton and Nick (playing Sharpay and Ryan): We can do it!

Chad (playing Zeke): I'm a skank!

Randomly Dorky Guys (playing randomly dorky guys): He needs birth control!

Everyone (playing everyone):Not another sheep! Not another bird! Not another cow!

Coach Bolton (playing Sharpay): Everybody silent!

Martha (playing Gabriella): Why is everybody staring at you?

Taylor (playing Taylor): Not me, you.

Martha (playing Gabriella): Because of the sex? I can't have people staring at me! Well, I guess I can. (winks at Nick)

Everyone (playing everyone): No, no, nooooooooooo! Stick to the shit you knowwwwwwwww. If you wanna be a Jew, you have to convert too! Kevin, Nick, and Joe, stick to the menstrual flow! No, no, noooooooooo! Stick to the shit you knowwwwww! If you want your steak to be charred, put it on a grill, not a car! Kevin, Nick and Joe! Stick to the menstrual! Stick to the menstrual! Stick to the menstrual flowwww.

Joe: AND CUT! PERFECT! Menstrual Flow is going to be a hit!

George Bush: I think that this musical is scientologically awesomey.

**A/n: Happy New Year everyone! Sorry I was kind of late on updating, I've been busy. I really hope you like this chapter! Please review!**


	11. Chapter 11

The Seventh Rehearsal

Sharpay: Guys, I have something to tell you.

Ilana: What is it Sharp?

Sharpay: I'm pregnant. With Joe's baby.

Ilana: Omj! So am I!

Troy: I am too!

Taylor: I'm pregnant with Chad's babies.

Chad: I am too!

Kelsi: I had an abortion...

Ryan: No you didn't. I was with you when you got pregnant!

Kelsi: No shit, you're the father.

Zac: I'm pregnant with Kevin's baby.

Kevin: I'm not sexually pier anymore! (sobs into a Poptart)

Jason: Ooh! Poptarts! (takes a bite) Mmm, frosted Kevin flavor.

Joe: Jason, are you having...food cravings?

Jason: Yes, I'm pregnant with Nick's baby for goodness sakes! I was craving Kevin Poptarts!

Martha: Poor Kevin, I didn't even get to ride Space Mountain with him.

Ms. Darbus: I was forced to go on Space Mountain with him. That's how I got pregnant!

Gabriella: Kevin raped you on a roller coaster?!?!?!?

Joe: Like, LOL!

Miley: Nick would be It's a Small World, because it describes him.

Frieda: So what? He still is amazing in...

Joe: Don't say it.

Frieda: Chair.

Ilana: Joe would be Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. (winks at Joe)

Jason: (looks nauseous) I am soooooooooooooooo not hungry anymore.

Troy: I'm an athlete.

Jason: I'm a vampire. (bites Troy)

Troy: OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coach Bolton: It's okay honey, (pats Troy's butt)

Gabriella: SEXUAL HARASSMENT! SOCIAL SERVICES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelsi: Jason, you should be in Twilight!

Jason: Edward is my homie.

Buffy: A VAMPIRE! I'M GOING TO SLAY YOU!

Nick: OMG! BUFFY!

Martha: A buffet? Where? (starts eating Buffy)

Buffy: NO! I ALREADY GOT RESURRECTED ONCE!

Joe: Okay...I think we need to do Menstrual Flow again. Let's take it from the top!

Hayley: I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top!

Ryan: (back in his emo outfit) MISERY BUSINESS!!!!!!!! My fave song.

Ms. Darbus: Is that an Ashley Tisdale song?

Coach Bolton: No...it's Paramore...

Ms. Darbus: Paramore means lover!

Sharpay: Actually, that's a paramour...

Gabriella: Hayley, i live for your orange hair. I'm such a Parawhore!

Hayley: Once a whore, you're nothing more. I'm sorry that will never change.

Gabriella: Hey! I'm trying to do better! It's stupid role models like Vanessa Hudgens who make me feel like a slut because I post porn on the Internet!

Vanessa: Facebook and Myspace are stupid.

Zac: Oh no, she's back! Hide me! (hides in Kelsi's gallbladder)

Vanessa: Chillax everyone! I'm only here to give you my Neutrogena vibrator bubble thing...

Zeke: Let me use it! (puts the vibrator on his armpit) MY PORES FEEL SO OPEN!

Vanessa: (giggles)

Zeke: Wait, why do my armpits feel weird?

Troy: You have a bubble vibration thing in it...

Zeke: Oh right! Wait, why is the vibrator all germy? (looks at his armpit) Oh my fricking god I have armpit Herpes!

Chad: Vanessa, did you by chance use the vibrating bubble scrubber thing?

Vanessa: (interrupted from making out with the Facebook Mini-feed) Maybe...

Gabriella: HEY! STAY OFF MY MAN! (punches Vanessa)

Facebook Mini-feed: Vanessa and Gabriella added the Cat Fight application.

Gabriella: (kills Vanessa by repeatedly hitting her with her sex tape) They will teach you to not to be a porn star!

Facebook Mini-feed: Gabriella superpoked Vanessa! Gabriella killed Vanessa.

Joe: This calls for a group hug!

Troy: I'm not a Jonas Brother fan. Why would I want to hug you?

Nick: HUGS ARE OVERRATED, JUST FYI!

Ms. Darbus: Hugs are overrated? Who wrote those lyrics?!?!?!?!

Martha: OMGZ, you HATE the jobros???

Troy: Uhh... yeah...

Martha: But dude, they are like... SOOOO HOTTT!!!!

Troy: Hmm...

Martha: Come on, you have to agree with me that the JoBros are extremely HOTTT.

Troy: Wellll... I guess they are. Shhh!!! Don't tell anyone. I'm in love with Nick Jonas!

Martha: OMG me too!!!

Troy: OMG!! SISTERR!!! (air hugs Martha)

Martha: (air hugs Troy)

Joe: Omj, I think I'm pregnant.

Zeke: Am I the only one who isn't pregnant?

Gabriella: I'm not! (has two second sex with Ryan) Now I am.

Zeke: Kelsi, didn't you say something about contortion?

Kelsi: I DID get an abortion, but Ryan got me preggers again.

Sharpay: Ryan, stop getting people pregnant! You're turning into me!

Kevin: We might just have to a La Maz class instead of rehearsals...

Taylor: YEAH! Can other pregnant people come?

Kevin: Sure! It'll be even more fantasalistic!

Taylor: Come on in everyone! (Juno, Nicole Richie, Christina Aguilera, Jessica Alba, and Jamie Lynn Spears come in)

Christina: Wait, why am I here? I already had my baby.

Nicole: Let's go get knocked up by our paramours again! (Nicole and Christina turn into Heroin)

Joe: I FEEL LIKE A HEROOOOOOOO! AND YOU ARE MY HERRRRRRRROINE.

Nick: Wrong heroine, Joe.

Joe: AT LEAST I HAVE BARNEY!

Ms. Darbus: Who's Barney?

Chad: Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination! When he's tall he's what we call a dinosaur sensation! Barney teaches lots of things like how to play pretend! A-B-C's and 1-2-3's and how to be a friend! Barney comes to play with us. Whenever we may need him. Barney can be your friend too. If you just make believe him!

Taylor: Those are perverted lyrics.

Juno: Hellz yeah.

Jessica Alba: Hi, I'm Jessica Alba!

Jonas Brothers: Hi, we're the Jonas Brothers, and you're pregnant!

Nick: Isn't your boyfriend's name Cash?

Joe: I don't care!

Jessica Alba: Actually, it's Credit Card.

Kevin: OKAY! PREGNANT PEOPLE! Breath in, and out.

Nick: Why don't you take a breath.

Joe: Just take, a breath!!!

Kevin: You two are disrupting my class! Why can't you be more like Frankie?

Frankie: (turns pregnant, and is making out with Jessica Alba)

Jessica Alba: No wonder they call you Bonus Jonas!

Kevin: BREATH IN AND OUT!

Juno: I just had my baby. I need to give it to Vanessa.

Vanessa: (comes back to life) OKAY! OOH! A BABY! I'll think I'll name is Condom!

Juno: Yeah, bye. (poofs)

Jamie Lynn: I'm supposed to go get my sister out of rehab...toodles!

Kevin: Ugh. La Maz, is OVER!

Jessica: NO! KEVIN! DON'T LEAVE I HAVE COOKIES! You don't know how I feel right now!

Joe: Sometimes I feel like a Catcher in the Rye.

Ms. Darbus: You don't know what that feels like, it's a book!

Joe: Maybe, but I know what this will feel like! (karate chops Ms. Darbus)

Nick: And that feeling is SO not fantasalistic.

**A/n: Sorry I haven't updated in 425425235234 weeks. I've just been really busy with stuff. I obviously had enough time to right this though! LOL. I want to thank Silly Lilly for the Troy/Martha conversation. Please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

The Cast Party

Zac: Let's go to my crib, yo. It's tighter than Joe's pants.

Joe: Maybe I LIKE wearing skinny jeans!

Ilana: I know I do. (has sex with Joe)

TV Narrorator: Watch how the mating season begins. This often occurs to pregnancy with the female producer.

Juno: You know, pregnancy usually leads...to...infants.

TV Narrorator: Watch how they both get into position...

Troy: Ew, I hate this show. (pulls a remote out of his pants and changes the channel) OHHHHHHH! America's Next Top Model!

Tyra: Shaleisha, you are America's Next Top Model.

Ryan: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I wanted Chantal to win!!!!!

Sharpay: WTF?

Martha: IDKMYBFFJILL?BFFL!BFFAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAE!WU?OMGINDB!NWRUS?TISNF!OMJ!STFU! (turns into jello)

Coach Bolton: Jello! Wiggly jiggle jello!

Egg: Wiggle jiggle. Yellow middle. That's the best way you are!

Nick: ILY EGG!

Taylor: Let's go to Zac's house before we all be pyscho. (everyone poofs to his house)

Nick: WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aly and AJ: Like whoa.

Nick: This place isn't illogical! I can have that!

Vanessa: (walking into the living room naked with a camera) I was just...um...taking pictures of unicorns.

Ryan: Charlie...Charlie...Charlie...

Charlie: I'm right here, what do you want?

Ryan: We're on a bridge Charlie!!!

Zac: No you aren't you silly octopus, your in my sex palace!

Sharpay: Sex palace? Someone thinks a lot of themselves.

Kevin: What's this?? (pokes a machine)

Zac: NO!!!!!! THATS MY CONDOM DISPENSER!

Kevin: (licks one) BOISENBERRY!!!!!!! Actually, It's more caramel, no, it's CHOCOLATE SUNDAE!

Joe: Let me try one! (licks one) Ew, mine tastes like plastic.

Zac: That's because condoms ARE plastic.

Janice: There's the Aisian hookers, the sexually active band geeks, the jocks, the burn outs, the people who eat their feelings, the people who don't eat at all, the COOLEST people you will ever meet, and the worst, the plastics.

Gretchen: I don't think my dad, the inventor of toaster studel, would be happy about this.

Jason: TOASTER STUDEL??????? WHERE?????? (captures the Pillsberry Dough Boy)

Pillsberry Dough Boy: I don't have any toaster strudel!

Jason: I have no other choice. (pokes the Pillsberry Dough Boy)

Facebook Mini-feed: Jason has poked the Pillsberry Dough Boy.

Pillsberry Dough Boy: TEE HEE! Okay, I have some in my trechea! TEE HEE!

Jason: (takes the toaster strudel from his throat, kicks the Pillsberry Dough Boy out of Zac's house) MMMMMM!!!! STRAWBERRY! Wait, that skank didn't give me any icing!

Kelsi: How is the Pillsberry Dough Boy a skank?

Jason: Was I the only one who noticed he wasn't wearing any clothes but a hat?

Vanessa: Like me! (shows off her Fedora)

Ryan: You stole my hat! Your dead to me biotch! (jabs Vanessa with a toothbrush)

Vanessa: NO! GINGAVITIS!!!!!!!!! (turns into toothpaste)

Kelsi: (picks the toothpaste tube up) Ew, she's Clamydia flavored.

Coach Bolton: YOU WILL GET CLAMYDIA AND DIE.

Sharpay: Speaking of sex, where did Ilana and Joe go?

Ilana: (comes out in Joe's clothes and talks through a creek in a door) Joe, that sex was amaz...I mean, thanks for saving me from that fire and giving me your clothes to put out the fire...

Troy: Wait, if you're in Joe's clothes, what's Joe wearing?

Joe: (comes out in Ilana's clothes) Hey Hey!

Kevin: Joe, why are you wearing a miniskirt...

Nick: WITH LEGGINGS!!!!!!

Joe: I was having sex wi..i mean I had to save Ilana from the fire! Also, maybe it makes me feel pretty.

Coach Bolton: (cough) TRANSVESTIE.(cough)

Joe: Not a transvestite, just a cross dresser.

Chad: UM...

Joe: What? I have to make money somehow...

Taylor: Your a famous singer who everyone wants to get laid by...

Gabriella: Oy vey.

Jason: I wanted Matzo Balls with Toaster Studel!

Martha: The only balls you have are Matzo Balls.

Sharpay: I bet Gabriella has Matzo Boobs.

Gabriella: No I don't! (jumps, and Matzo Balls roll down her shirt)

Troy: I didn't know Gabriella was a man!

Gabriella: I'm not, it's just, my boobs were having sex with Matzo Balls, and the Matzo Balls decided they needed more condoms...

Kevin: Well they just could of gone to the Condom Dispenser!

Gabriella: I don't have a condom dispenser in my boobs! My bras can only hold so much...

Coach Bolton: I have one in MY bra! Do you want scented or non-scented?

Ryan: I thought they only made scented tampons...(sticks one in his nose)

Sharpay: Ryan, why do you have tampons? Especially on in your nose...

Ryan: I need to practice on my nose sex!

Gabriella: I'll have nose sex with you right now. (jumps on Ryan)

Zac: RYELLA!

Troy: Troyella is dead...(cries into Freida)

Nick: Freida! I thought I'd never see you again!

Miley: I thought that was MY song.

Taylor: Our song is the slam of screen doors! Sneakin' out late tappin' on your window! And we're on the phone and you talk reeeeal slow, 'cause it's late and your mama don't know.

Troy: YOUR MOM! (scoffs off)

Freida: Nick, I have something to tell you, I'm a Teletubby.

Nick: WHAT?!?!? This is illogical! I can't have that! How is this possible?

Freida: Well, since we had sex like every 2 seconds, I got pregnant, and I decided to name the baby Nick Jr., and since that's a TV show, and Teletubbies have TVs in their stomachs, that makes me a Teletubby!

Nick: You're hot. Let's make out!

Freida: Okay! (french kisses Nick)

Chad: It all makes sense!

Zeke: Freida's Teletubby pregnancy story and then randomly making out with Nick?

Chad: No, why my hair bounces! (nods head, and hair bounces) It's in the shape of a 'fro!

Nick: Wait a minute... (rips off Chad's wig) I knew it was fake! It was TOO bouncy...

Chad: I was renting that! (runs away to Funkytown)

Nick: That's right, don't mess with the 'fro bro!

**A/n: Sorry I haven't updated in like 3 weeks, I've been busier than I was before. I'll probably be updating more by March, because all my activities and stuff will end at the end of February. By the way, last chapter, A Musical In A Musical surpassed 100 reviews! Yeah! Thank you so much reviewers! This story couldn't have happened without you! Please continue reviewing!**


	13. Chapter 13

The Eighth Rehearsal

Zac: (stuffing his bra with tissues)

Sharpay: Zac, don't stuff your bra, your boobs already look big!

Zac: 36D just isn't enough anymore!

Joe: Okay guys, this is crunch time!

Nick: You can lick it, sip it, and munch it. AND NEW CANDY CRUNCH!

Kevin: Baby Bottle Pop!

Ryan: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jason: SMOSH! (turns on Youtube) THAT'S NOT MY DOG, THAT'S MY SISTER! NOW WHO WANTS SOME CAKE! YOU OWE ME TWENTY BUCKS, BITCH! HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Chad: How is that funny...

Corbin: Your FACE is funny.

Chad: We have the same face...

Corbin: Hmmm.. Oh, I got it! Tu CARA eres comico.

Chad: Doesn't change the meaning just because it's in Spanish...

Ryan: God damnit Corbin, learn your foreign languages!

Joe: ARG. WE NEED TO REHEARSE.

Zeke: Pirates! I am like in love with Johnny Depp.

Troy: Omigod, I am too! He as almost as hot as Nick Jonas (winks at Nick)

Nick: How old are you???

Troy: 934546547, but that's in dog years.

Nick: Statutory rape! (runs into Freida's vagina)

Freida: Honey, I'm having my period...

Nick: So am I. I need some Midol! (starts crying)

Gabriella: Damn, I have B.O. (airs out armpits)

Martha: Oh shit that smells. (turns into Guitar Hero)

Kevin: Guitar Hero! And it came with 2 guitars!

Ilana: What level are you on?

Kevin: Guitar God.

Joe: That's not even a level...

Kevin: Well it should be, since I am one.

Taylor: You're SO humble, Kevin.

Old Grandpa: And that's the way the cookie crumbles!

Taylor: I said HUMBLE, not crumble.

Old Grandpa: What? You want to get in a rumble. Take this sucker! (hits Jason in the crotch)

Zac: Jason, why didn't that hurt? He just hit you in the balls.

Jason: You didn't know? I'm a transvestite.

Old Grandpa: Take this biotch! (hits Coach Bolton in the balls)

Coach Bolton: Owwie!!! Daddy! Make the scary man go away!

Troy: Hey, that's MY line!

Old Grandpa: Jack, I AM YOUR FATHER.

Troy: Grampie Bolton? Grampie Bolton!

Grampie: Troy! I got you something!!! (gives Zac a thong)

Zac: The perfect gift for Vanessa!

Troy: Grampie, why did you give Zac a thong?

Grampie: I keep seeing him with that Zanessie person, I thought she finally needed some clothes.

McDonald's Drive Thru Lady: Wasn't she butt naked somewhere?

Ilana: Where's Waldo?

Ryan: Up my butt and around the corner.

Sharpay: How can your butt have a corner? It would have to be a square.

Ryan: I have a secret, Sharpod. I'm Spongebob! (giggles)

Sharpay: What do I look like, a MP3? CAN I PLAY MUSIC OUT OF MY ARMPITS? I don't think so.

Troy: I thought music can play out of your belly button. Remember that time when we were having sex? You played "Don't Cha".

Sharpay: I don't know, we had sex 4325464634543534590809730987259837592438594325923058 times. I even raped you once.

Troy: You did??? Someone call Dateline! Catch this predator!

Zac: I'd tap this predator. (makes out with Sharpay)

Sharpay: I knew I was better than that skank!

Ryan: Does know notice my existence as a cartoon sponge? Or that I'm a gay sponge? Or that my best friend is a starfish?

Martha: Ryan, get out of your Halloween costume from last year.

Ryan: Aw, you take the fun out of everything. (takes off costume, but is naked)

Sharpay: Ryan! My eyes! They are starting to bleed! Make him stop! Please!!!!!!!!

Grampie: He is SO the next Vanessie.

Facebook Minifeed: Ryan is now the new Vanessa.

Gabriella: Facebook! I thought Myspace killed you!

Facebook Minifeed: Facebook was experiencing some technical difficulties.

AOL Message System: Attention: You are about to be rate limited.

Facebook Minifeed: Don't steal my girl, asshole.

AOL Message System: Attention: You are now rate limited. (awkward silence)

Troy: (does an awkward turtle)

AOL Message System: Attention: You are not rape limited anymore.

Coach Bolton: RAPE LIMITED?

Facebook Minifeed: Hahahah, you rapist.

AOL Message System signed off at 7:05 am.

Nick: JB PUN!

Joe: Yo, that's illogical. I can't have it.

Nick: That's what I'm supposed to say. Who wrote this script?

Grampie: I did!

Nick: Well, you got our names mixed up. Can you fix it?

Grampie: Sure! (takes a pencil and writes new names)

Nick: Finally. What are you, a old grandpa?

Joe: Just read the fucking script.

Fat Ass: JB PUN!

Anorexic Whore: Yo, that's illogical, I can't have it.

Nick: Perfect! That's Grampie Bolton!

Troy: He's MY Grampie, poser.

Grampie: I'm both of your Grampies.

Nick: Did you do both of our Grandmas?

Grampie: I sure did. I'm ALL of your Grandpas.

Ryan: Zedie?

Gabriella: Abuelo?

Zac: G to the r to the andpa?

Grampie: Hell yes.

Everyone: Grandpa! (hugs Grandpa)

Grampie: I love you?

Sharpay: Why do you say it like it's a question?

Dumbledore: Aw, a cornucopia of love.

Harry Potter Puppet Pal: I like the part where he stopped moving!

Ron Weasley Puppet Pal: Aw, Dobby's sock.

Grampie: Robby Ray? I love Hannie Montannie! I went to the concert! She signed my dentures! See?

Troy: (takes the saliva covered denture) Dear Grampie, you are one hot Grandpa. I would screw you, but that you be incest, since your my Grandpa. Love, Miley Montana.

Zeke: Miley Montana? What is that? Miley with half a wig on?

Sharpay: You're not even that hot of a Grandpa.

Grampie: Really? People always tell me I look like Sanjaya.

Uncle Earl: I feel like Sanjaya! You know, in the early rounds!

Sharpay: Now Sanjaya is one HOT Grandpa.

Zac: Eh, I wasn't a big fan of the Mohawk.

Sanjaya: Don't diss the Mohawk.

Sharpay: SANJAYA! (makes love to Sanjaya, and her belly button plays "Don't Cha")

Joe: I guess they're Sharjaya.

Troy: "Don't Cha" is ruined for me now.

**A/n: Sorry I haven't updated in a month. I've just been REALLY busy lately with tests and stuff, but next week is spring break, so that will give me lots of time to write. Once again, I'm really sorry, and please review!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: There's a lot of drug and alcohol reference in this chapter, so yeah.**

The Final Rehearsal

Ryan: (intensely reading Twilight): Edward is a vampire!? Oh my God!

Troy: You're only on Twilight? I just finished Eclipse for the 3rd time!

Ryan: What kind of animal is Jacob then?

Troy: Uh...a mermaid?

Joe: Okay, this is our FINAL REHEARSAL, and we have only run 1 song and 1 scene.

Sharpay: Yay! We've improved from the winter musical!

Coach Bolton: What are those 3 doing in a tree?! (points to Corbin, Taylor, and Zeke)

Corbin: It's not like we're having sex...

Chad: Why is my alter ego here? And don't have a threesome with my girlfriend!

Corbin: Fine, Zeke and Taylor suck at sex anyways... (melts into a quesadilla)

Gabriella: Ooh! A Gordita!

Zac: What the hell is a Gordita?

Ana: I think it's from Taco Bell, but they don't have them in Mexico...

Ryan: Pobre Ana.

Troy: VERANO! (everyone stares at Troy) What? Doesn't that mean slut in Spanish?

Tila Tequila: It means summer! I should know, I'm Hispanic!

Ryan: I thought you were Vietnamese...

Ms. Darbus: Tequila? Do you have some? I haven't had a hangover in over 4 minutes!

Justin Timberlake: MADONNA!

Madonna: Tick tock tick tock tick tock!

Troy: What time is it? Summertime! It's our vacation!

Jason: WHOA? TEQUILA? So does this mean your sister's name is Brandy?

Tila Tequila: No silly, that's Ray J's sister!

Ray J: Sexy can I? Hook up with Sharpay?

Sharpay: You made a sex tape with Kim Kardashian!

Kim Kardashian: You say that like it's a bad thing...(dissolves back to E!)

Tila Tequila: Just for the record, I'd screw all of you, especially you Ms. Darbus... (uses a transporter to go back to MTV)

Zac: She is SO the root of all evil.

Jason: Why does everyone get to poof back to TV networks! I want to be on the Girls Next Door!

Zeke: I want to be on Jeopardy!

Coach Bolton: My dream is to be on The Biggest Loser: Couples...

Martha: Anybody have some Vicadin? I need a good high!

Taylor: I have Viactiv! They're chocolately and give you strong bones!

Chad: Speaking of strong bones, I have Viagra...

Ms. Darbus: I need to refill my prescriptions on those by the way, would anyone pick them up along with my yeast infection ointment?

Martha: (throws up) Oh God. Make it stop!! (throws up on Ms. Darbus)

Ms. Darbus: Oh no, I'm melting!! (melts into a puddle of Teen Vouge magazines)

Zac: Oh my God, the new issue! Ellen Page! Ohmigod, Ohmigod, Ohmigod! I loved Juno!

Nick: Eh, I thought Horton Hears a Who was better.

Taylor: How are those movies even related?

Nick: Wasn't the guy who played Mark a rapist in both?

Kevin: NO.

Nick: Why do you have to ruin everything for me?!

Kevin: I didn't tell you that Ginny and Harry get married after the 7th book...

Nick: What? I'm still reading that! You know I have the reading level of a 4 year old!

Troy: How did you get past the the first 6...

Nick: I read them in Portuguese.

Chad: Assim você pode ler perfeitamente muito bem em Portugese mas não em inglês? Que a foda é errada com você filho?

Kelsi: My milkshake brings all the boys the the yard.

Kelis: Bitch, that's my hit!

Kelsi: No, it's mine! DAMN RIGHT, IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS!

Joe: Too bad I'm dyslexic..

Troy: Dayum, I'm craving chick flicks. Who wants to watch Star Wars with me?

Hayden: Ooh! I will!

Sharpay: Hayden Panitierre! If I were a guy, I'd totally do you!

Hayden: I'M HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN BITCH!

Sharpay: So I CAN fuck you! (drags him into a closet, then there's awkward silence)

Ryan: Look guys, I bought Bob the Tortoise for those awkward moments!

Ilana: It's an awkward TURTLE, not tortoise dumbass!

Ryan: Who are you again?

Ilana: Your...face? (runs away)

Joe: Now I can take this itchy wedding ring off!

Kevin: You guys got married?!

Joe: What do you think they based Wedding Crashers on?

SmarterChild: (2:54:42 A.M.) Uberpwnage dude.

JIsForjoe: (2:54:50 A.M.) BITCH! GET OUT OF MY SPACE!

_JIsForJoe went away at 2:55:02 A.M._

SmarterChild: You can't hide from me asshole!

Auto Response from JIsForJoe:

Smarterchild, go fuck yourself.

This is Greg not Steve: I can't do this anymore. I don't know you!

Joe: Garbo?

Garbo: Joe?

Nick: NICK!

Jason: (whispering to the East High Wildcats) Why have all the students been hella quiet? Hello? Are you listening to me? Ugh, this is so typical from you guys!

Kevin: They're deaf, Jason.

Sharpay: We're not deaf! Maybe we just happen to be mute!

Adam Sandler: Oops! My bad! (adjusts volume on the Click remote)

Sharpay: I prefer Alan now.

Troy: HI ALAN!

Sharpay: MY NAME IS SHARPAY! (sucker punches Troy)

Troy: DADDY!

Coach Bolton: (reading the Burn Book) Ooh! She made out with a hot dog!

Gabriella: Oh my God, that was one time!

Troy: It's okay Daddy, I stopped the bleeding by covering my face with a plastic bag! Wait, why is everything spinning...

Nick: WORLD'S ARE SPINNING 'ROUND! THERE'S NO SIGN OF SLOWING DOWN! SO WON'T YOU TAKE A BREATH? JUST TAKE A BREATHHHHHH.

Jordin: No air no air!

Nick: LIFE ISN'T SUFFOCATING.

Jordin: But the water's getting so deep!

Nick: AIR ISN'T OVERRATED!

Troy: It's okay! I just had to do that thingy called uh, wait, I lost it...

Gabriella: Breathing?

Troy: Oh wait! I remember! Masturbating!

Ryan: Let me get Bob out...

**A/n: Sorry I haven't updated in like 2 months. I've just been REALLY busy with school, finishing my zaddie, starting my loliver, not posted yet, but will soon! I hope you accept my apology on this REALLY late update. Once again, I'm really sorry. There's about 3 chapters left or so, just to tell you. Thank you and please review!**


	15. Chapter 15

The Show

Troy: (in the boy's dressing room) BBBBBBB! BBBBBBBBBBBBB! MA! MA!! (flicks his fingers, and pokes Ryan in the butt)

Ryan: AH! SEXUAL HARASSMENT!

Sexual Harassment Police: WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU?

Ryan: (in tears) Sh...She, it's too traumatic to talk about.

Sexual Harassment Police: PANSIE SPIT IT OUT! (bitch slaps him)

Ryan: CHILD ABUSE! HELP! (a note pops out of thin air, then Ryan reads the note) Sorry, we are taking a vacation to China to abolish, I mean ENFORCE child labor laws. Don't worry, I'll eat some lo mein for you!

Zac: (reads the note across Ryan's shoulders) FAT ASS. THAT LO MEIN WILL GO RIGHT TO HIS LOVE HANDLES.

Ms. Darbus (bursting into the Boy's dressing room) I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT! THE TASTE OF HER CHERRRRY CHAPSTICK!

Grampie Bolton: EW BAD IMAGES.

Troy: Grampie, you're in the show?

Grampie Bolton: HELLZ NO. I WANTED TO RAPE SOME TEENAGE BOYS! I mean...help them get dressed! Er, help them with their stage makeup.

Chad: OH DEAR LORD. I'm going to the girl's dressing room then. (runs across the hallway in a Spongebob thong and into girl's dressing room)

Vanessa: Yeah, I went from an A to a DDD... (Chad bursts in)

Chad: I HAVE A SPONGEBOB THONG WEDGIE! SOMEONE TAKE THE LETTER OUT OF MY MAILBOX!

Sharpay: WHAT THE BUCK?

Whatthebuck Guy: I HAVE TO HAVE IT!

Coach Bolton: Girls! We have 3 milliseconds til we need to be on stage!

Martha: It's cool beans, I got it covered. (teleports everyone on stage behind the curtain)

Jason: (dazzled) HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

Martha: I'm the...TELEPORTING FAT GUY! WITH A COOL MOUSTACHE! (grows a beard) DAMNIT, I need to work on controlling my facial hair ointment better...

Smosh: Dude, that was OUR VID. We're suing you, homes.

Monique: SUUUUUUUEY! (turns into a pig)

Gabriella: What did I tell you? I keep kosher! GET THIS PIG OUT OF MY SIGHT AND TAKE ME TO A KOSHER SUBWAY.

Sharpay: No, you said you wanted to copy Vanessa and right a song about footwear...

Gabriella: And I did! ItS EsPaDrIlL MoRnInG!

Ms. Darbus: (walks on stage) HERE IS HIGH SCHOOL MUSIC-HAL: ABRIDGED. ENJOY BIOTCHES!

Martha: (as Gabriella) Basically, what we're gonna do is your mom. Basically, what were gonna do is your face...

Ryan: (as Troy) So... you like doing faces...

Martha: (as Gabriella) FUCKFACE GET OUTTA MY WAY! I'm late for my 3:00 fucking with Coach Bolton!

Ryan: (as Troy) THATS MY DAD!

Martha: (as Gabriella) I'm just sayin...

Billy Ray (as Robby Ray): I LIKE HER. SHE'S GOT BALLS!

Martha (as Gabriella): DON'T MOLEST ME STALKER!! (runs but trips onto 10 bowling pins)

Sharpay (as Martha): STRIKE! ALL THAT WII BOWLING PAID OFF!

Coach Bolton: (as Sharpay) UGH ONE WORD. PANDAS.

Zeke: (as Coach Bolton) Yeah pandas dance! Yeah panda.

Martha: (as Gabriella) Just who I was looking for...let's go buy my Vanessa Hudgen's CD since no one else will buy them!

Troy: (as Chad) My afro's all frizzy! Get me Nick Jonas! I need his hair product!

Joe: (as Joe) I showered, in cold water, I peed on a tree. NOW I REALLY NEED NAIR PRODUCTS!

Jason: (as Kelsi) Someone's PMSing.

Joe: (as Joe) BITCH GIMME SOME MIDOL!

Taylor: (as Taylor) RACIST.

Amy Winehouse: (as Amy) Guys, I'm pregnant. IT'S RICKY'S BABY!

Nick: (as Ryan) Shouldn't we have gone into a musical number like 20 millenniums ago?

Gabriella: (as Ms. Darbus) 500 points from East High!

Chad: (as Zeke) WTF This isn't Hogwarts! You're such a MudBlood!

Zac: (as Jason) I was supposed to be at the '17 Again' set 4 hours ago...

Metro Station: WE WON'T BE 17 FOREVER! If we can get away with this tonight!

Selena: LET ME USE MY MAGICAL POWERS!

Zac: (as Jason) EW NICK HAS TOUCHED THOSE 'Magical Powers'.

Neville Longbottom: (zaps Zac away)

Everyone: HAZZAH! (gets in a musical number)

We're all in bed together!

We fuck our brains out, that's the way we do it!

We're all in bed together!

We like sex a lot it's the way that our dreams come true!

Wildcats in the game! Just one cock is really lame!

That's the way we do it, in an orgy! Time to show the world!

Audience Members: OMFG. THAT WAS AMAZING! BRAVO! ENCORE! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YEAH PANDA! THAT DIDN'T MAKE MY BALLS BOUNCE!

Ms. Darbus: Everyone, I hoped you learned something important today!

Everyone: VAT? String cheese?

Ms. Darbus: My balls just crept back into my body.

**A/n: Sorry I haven't updated in over 2 months, I've just been in my own little world lately, and I'm working 3 days a week and playing tennis 3 days a week, and voice once a week, so I haven't found time to right if I wasn't singing, playing, working, eating, or sleeping. To tell you the truth, I lost inspiration for this story, so even though I originally planned a sequel, I've decided that after I finished A Musical in A Musical, I was going to take a little "break" from FanFiction, until I can get my head back in the game. I do have other ideas that I planned months ago, but so far all I've written is a loliver, a badly written Ryella, and an out-of-character Troypay. Sorry to disappoint you, but there's still hope! Check out TinyDancer14 For High School Musical: The Parody and High School Musical 2: The Parody! They are just what you are looking for if you loved this. I want to thank all my reviewers for making this my most reviewed story ever. I really do thank you from the bottom of my heart. I actually am starting to come back to FanFiction, so still check out my stories every so often to see if there's a new story. :) Love, hannah montana luva.**


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